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A is for Awkward – 30th of August 2012

August 30, 2012

Hi,

Todays post is brought to you by the letter A for awkward.

It’s about time that I told you that I am one of those people who is plagued by  awkwardness and weird social situations. You know how some people seem to have their  lives so together and never seem to be out of place, always know the right thing to say and basically live like the guardian angel on their shoulder is on steroids? I am the antithesis of that. I am one of those people whose lame jokes go un-laughed at, who finds themselves stuck in the weirdest situations with a bunch of people staring at them and the person who goes to get off the train and then misses their stop because they realise they were facing the wrong side of the carriage. That’s me.

Take last Saturday night, for example. I had just arrived at my new job for a training shift. My manager was really busy and because I didn’t know how to do anything he just said ‘stay here and try and figure out the till’ while he rushed off to serve customers who were looking at me an my incompetent bar tending skills like I was a pitiful puppy. So I’ve got my head down, trying to figure out the till layout when I here someone calling my name from outside the bar. ‘Goat’ they call, I look up. Standing in front of me, having clearly just come in to watch the football on their Saturday night is my two bosses from my other job. Awkward. I think so. I hadn’t told them that I’d gone and got a new job. And neither would a ‘oh, I’ve worked here for ages’ excuse have worked because my new manager took that moment to hand me my ‘trainee’ badge and tell me to pin it to my shirt. Great. The worst part was the conversation with my boss that followed. It was one of those conversation which consists of basic ‘hi, how are you’ small talk but there is so much sub-text going on that it’s basically code for ‘I am judging you so much right now’. Anyway, needless to say both my bosses and I wanted to melt into the floor.

But this is just one example.  If you can believe it, in the last week I have managed to slice my thumb open with Yoghurt,  witness a car accident, get stuck in a rotating door and trip over at the park while two hot guys were walking past. It wasn’t even like there was a branch or anything either – I was on the oval, with nothing but flat grass around me. Awkwardness is a day-to-day reality that I have had to live with since I was a child. It is programmed into some peoples lives… and I am one of those people.  My smile isn’t straight – because the nerves on the left side of my face are as awkward as my life. My dog thinks it’s a cat and my cat shakes hands.

There are many more and worse awkward scenarios in my life that I can’t think of right now. I try and repress the memories of many of the moments when the awkward fairy has sprinkled it’s not-so-hilarious dust on me.

I am going to go and catch a nap before I go to uni in an hour or so. Today is the second full day of parentlessness and I am exhausted from trying to maintain my own life while playing mother of the house as well.

Shall post tomorrow.

Goat.

 

 

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