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Wanting – 26th of August 2012

August 26, 2012

Let’s ignore the fact that I haven’t posted lately or within a reasonable time frame since my last one, and just start blogging shall we? Good.

The theme I would like to bring to the attention of the court today is…. want. What is that? Well, I don’t know exactly.

Here’s why I wish to discuss the concept of what it is and means to ‘want’ something: See, the last few weeks have kind of catapulted my life from a level 5 busyness to level 11 on the scale of 10. Amalgamate uni assignments with uni classes and uni rehearsals, working 2 jobs and trying to have a social life and basically I’ve been turned into a 20 year old toddler, meaning I am either at 1 of 2 speeds: Duracell Bunny or unconscious. The reason I’m drawing ‘want’ into this is because I’ve just started to realise that there aren’t many things I’ve gone to in the last weeks that I’ve actually wanted to.

Here’s what I mean: Monday – Uni, assignments and work. Tuesday: Rehearsals, uni. Wednesday: Uni, excursion for uni. Thursday: Rehearsals , Uni and assignments. Friday: Work, RSA training and a 21st birthday. When I look back at what I did this week all I can think is… ‘none of these things I particularly look forward to going to’. Not saying I completely hate going to them either, and certainly rehearsals are a fair bit of fun, but seriously, if I was looking at my week from an outsiders perspective, I’d be telling myself to go and do stuff I ‘want’ to do. What do I want to do? That’s easy. Every time I’m on the bus on my way to uni, or dosing off during a lecture, the one thing I wish I could be doing was writing. Think it’s lame? Stop reading my blog.

So why do we all fill our lives with this stuff that we don’t really want to be doing? Why don’t I quit uni and become a stripper on the side so I can spend my days writing my story? After extensive thought over the period of about five seconds I think it’s this…. Because in reality we all want to be seen to achieve. This could be through getting a degree, making money or doing whatever it is to show the world that we’re productive, relevant existers rather than dropped out wannabes following mundane activities that may or may not be our great passions. Go figure.

Anyway, moving on from my unnecessary and personally gratifying ramblings, here are a couple of small anecdotes about the last week.

On Friday night I had my first shift of training for my new job. It’s waitressing and serving at a bar in a hotel near my house (FYI – it’s one of those places that illogically calls itself a ‘hotel’ when really there’s no accommodation unless you count the drunk guy in the corner who sleeps next to the poker machines with drool falling down his face). Anyway, I’d had a crazy-busy day on Friday because I’d been out during the day to find a 21st present and then I’d had my RSA training in the city and then the job training and after I had to go to a 21st. Basically it boils down to the fact that I hadn’t eaten since breakfast and by the time I arrived after 9pm at this 21st and had done an incredibly ungraceful get-dressed-and-do-makeup-in-the-backseat-of-a-speeding-car thing, I rocked up looking like something crossed between a ravid dog and a drag queen. Needless to say I got a few dark looks and spent the entire evening bee-lining for platters of satay skewers while the bar staff started to no longer ask me for my drink as they had memorised my request for ‘something strong’.

Something else I would like to add in todays blog is that my parents are going away for almost a month starting Tuesday. YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!! House to myself for 4 weeks! Well, not completely, my brothers Cow and Ass will be here as well but we tend to be fairly inconsistent with work/uni/school times and won’t see each other for more than a few minutes a day. Great. And I don’t mean that sarcastically this time.

I spoke to Horse on the phone tonight and we’re going to have a writing day next weekend which cannot come soon enough. Also, so far in my blogs I’ve held back mentioning that Horse and I have come up with a kind of code-language to disguise our writing and help to keep it a secret. I guess my logic was that I wanted to keep some writing related things private, but considering that the whole idea of a code-language thing is to do that anyway, my logic is kind of unravelling itself….

Here it is: In our language we refer to our ‘writing’ as ‘Cooking’ and use cooking associated words in substitute for writing related words when we are talking about it. We do this so that, A- if anyone ever heard us talking about our writing they would never know or be able to understand what we meant and B- so that if necessary we can discuss it in front of others without them having a clue that we are talking about something else. Over time it’s become gradually more complex and we’re at the stage where we can basically communicate anything broadly about stories through code.

Here is an example of how our language works:

If Horse wanted to tell me that she was having trouble in the 4th chapter of her book because her computer wasn’t working properly she would say something like: ‘Four of the cupcakes in the recipe aren’t cooking very well because my oven’s broken’.

Weird? I don’t deny it. But we do feel a little bit like secret agents.

Anway – to explain our language a little I shall dictate some of the rules that govern it. I am now thinking that Horse and I need to come up with a name for our code language. Ideas?

The word ‘recipe’ = chapter. e.g. ‘I’m having trouble with a recipe’ really means ‘I’m having trouble with one of my chapters’

The number you attach (in any way) within a sentence refers to the chapter number. e.g ‘My 8 Calamari pieces were very tough to chew’ means that ‘chapter 8 was very tough to get through’ just as much as ‘I’m having trouble with my 8 pieces of calamari’ would mean it also.

The word ‘oven’ = computer. e.g ‘My oven has been playing up lately which has made it hard to get much cooking done’ means ‘My computer has been playing up lately which has made it hard to get much writing done’.

There is a lot of improvisation within our language too. For example we can normally interpret what the other person means, even if we don’t have exact words that correspond in our language. For example, if I wanted to tell Horse ‘My main characters have been hard to relate to lately’ I might say something like ‘My main ingredients have been hard to cook lately’ or ‘Lately, the steak in my steak sandwich has been hard to fry’.

Anyway, that’s the basics to our code/writing metaphor/language thing. I can feel your judgment. But hey, our system hasn’t let us down since we invented it almost a year ago so we’re going to stick with it. Now I find myself suddenly speculating about a name for our language: Pan language? Goat language? Horse language? Gorse language? Anyway world, if you’ve got any ideas let me know.

Wow – I just went on a tangent that took me like half an hour to write. I’ll sleep now.



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