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Resolving results – 9th of July 2012

July 10, 2012


So today I met Horse in the city to write. And it didn’t work out for me. I got there and fidgeted, and chatted and then annoyed Horse for a bit with typical pointless banter. I tried to work on my chapter 8, which I’ve sort of hit a road block with half way through and wrote about three substandard lines before I knew it wasn’t working for me. Sometimes you just know, you know?

Anyway it’s really frustrating sometimes, like today. I feel like Ian Thorpe when I get a good thought (poet much?) and it’s like I’m ready to spring off the blocks but no one shoots the starting gun, so I’m just left waiting with all these ideas but no way to use them (like the metaphor?). The thing that’s holding me back is will power (any ideas how to help me world?) and because things seem to be traveling so slowly with my writing, I just have less and less motivation to write. Sometimes I just sit at my desk and stare at my computer. And stare. And stare. And stare. And nothing comes out. Occasionally there’s a really good day when my thoughts are spewing out at the speed of light and I literally can’t type fast enough. But the problem isn’t the plot of my story, it’s writing the individual sentences, and structuring words and paragraphs that’s slowing me up. I’m self obsessed enough to say that I love my ideas, but they just don’t seem to translate well when I go to write them down. Does that make sense?

But here’s the epiphany I just had while writing this post….

I think I just realized (many thanks to the emotional ending of Spiderman 3 which was on TV tonight) that there is always a choice to do the right thing. So here’s my dramatic-Spiderman-fuelled  pledge. From the moment I wake up tomorrow, I will make a choice: and my choice will be the right one. I will make the choice to write, rather than do something lazy. I will make the choice to go for a run when I can’t be bothered and be proactive with Uni and everything else I do, and I will give absolute commitment to completing my story to the best possible level it can be completed, as fast as I can properly do it.

Lol! This resolve will probably last five minutes. But either way it will mean at least five minutes of hard work.

So from a nostalgic me I bid you goodnight. I promise I’ll try and man-up for tomorrows post.

Also (side note), found out today that I passed all my semester 1 subjects! I honestly cannot describe how stereotypically relived I am. There was this one subject that I found so mind-bogglingly hard I thought I was going to fail for sure, but I scrapped a pass (excited girly squeal) and I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders. So yeah, celebrations are in order. Drinks on me.



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